You can always turn back

For when we’re stuck in the spiralling ‘what ifs’

Photo credit: Unsplash

I recently navigated my second bout of Covid.

I spent a week in bed recovering, unable to do much else, and then had to deal with my chronic illness being extremely flared up on the other side too.

I hadn’t left the apartment for a week, with daily walks usually being such an essential part of my routine, so once I was testing negative I knew that a walk would be at the top of my list of things to do.

But with my chronic illness one of the worst symptoms that can flare for me is debilitating episodes of vertigo and dizziness and that’s exactly what I found myself with as I was recovering from Covid.

And here’s the funny thing about dizziness and vertigo, or at least it’s true for my body: moving helps so much more than sitting still.

It can feel really scary to get up and move around when the world is spinning around me and I’m unsteady on my feet but sitting still and avoiding those symptoms tends to just make my flares much worse and last for much longer too.

So there I was, finally testing negative and itching to breathe in some fresh air and see the outside world again, but a little nervous to actually head outside when my vertigo and dizziness was in such a heightened state.

And as I went back and forth all morning asking myself: should I go for a walk? Should I stay home and rest? I remembered one key thing: I can always turn back.

I can get ready, take the elevator downstairs, wave goodbye to our concierge and turn right back round again five minutes later if I don’t feel steady enough to keep going.

So that’s what I did.

I put real clothes on for the first time in a week, I put a little blusher on my cheeks, I laced up my trainers and I had the biggest smile on my face as I stepped outside of our building and breathed in some fresh air for the first time in days.

And then I walked.

I walked to the bookshop to pick our son up a sticker book to cheer him up as he was at home recovering from Covid himself.

I walked to the M&S cafe for a bacon sandwich and popped into the food hall to get something easy to cook for dinner too.

And then I walked back home, picking my husband up some espresso beans from a coffee shop on the way, and felt a little relief from my dizziness for the first time in days.

How often do we hold ourselves back from doing something from fear that we may not be able to follow it through?

Here’s the beautiful truth that we so often forget: we can always turn back.

This was the same truth that I had to hold onto a couple of years ago when my husband and I decided to leave our 3 bedroom home in the suburbs, declutter over half of our belongings and move back into the city but this time with our toddler along for the adventure too.

But what if we miss having a garden? Will we feel claustrophobic just living in 750 sqft? Is it worth the extra cost of renting in the middle of the city even if it’s our happy place?

What if, what if, what if.

And yet: we can always turn back.

If and when city living stops feeling like a hell yes for us we can always make a different choice again for our family.

The same has always been so true for my business too.

When I’ve experimented with new offerings, with new ways of delivering and packaging my work, and with different ways of marketing and connecting with potential clients and customers too.

There’s never been an experiment or evolution that I couldn’t turn back from if I wanted to, if the road I decided to walk down turned out to not be the road for me.

And my willingness to listen to my curiosities and intuition, take bold and gentle steps forward, and re-route as and when I want and need to has supported my entrepreneurial journey so much more than standing on the sidelines waiting for certainty ever could.

So if there’s something you’re curious about right now?

A creative project you want to experiment with bringing to life?

A new habit that you want to anchor to your days?

An evolution to your business model that may support you to live and work in a way that truly works best for you?

Remember: you can always turn back.

The certainty your nervous system desires is never coming and the answers you crave are only found by being brave enough to follow your curiosities and intuition and discovering what’s true on the other side.

But you’re not trapped there - you can always turn back, re-route, and come back home to whatever’s true for you.

That walk saved me a little that day.

My mental health was starting to spiral with the uncertainty of how long this flare would last and how disruptive it was going to be to my days.

That walk didn’t cure me, I still live with a chronic illness, but it reminded me that this body of mine can still walk it’s way through this city I love, breathe in the fresh air, and survive the challenges that my health throws my way.

And all I had to do was trust in the safety of being able to turn back to give me the courage to get moving forward.

So just in case you need the reminder: you can (almost) always turn back too.

Is there anything you’d love to be brave enough to try or experiment with in this season, knowing that you can always turn back if you want to along the way?

Until next time,

Jen